Stop Making Pregnant Women Afraid Of Their Doctors

I am so friggin sick of seeing articles where women are telling each other not to trust their OB's. They should question every medical decision their doctor makes during the labor process(because it may not be on their birth plan), and that they feel cheated if it ends in a c-section. Guess what sugarpots, I had a very detailed birth plan for my son. 


Let me start out by saying that, as smart as you think you are and as much as you know your body, your doctor has gone through years of school and birthed many babies. They have seen what you are going through multiple times and just want to see both you and your baby on the other side of delivery safely. If you truly don't trust the doctor that you have then you should do your research and find one that you do trust. To me it is a sad day when doctors choose just to do gynecology because the insurance it too high or there are too many risks of getting sued in today's 'me me me' society. Most of these doctors have our best interests at heart. It's not all about the money to them.



Maybe I'm a little touchy about this subject, but I can give you a couple reasons as to why I am. First off, I had a very detailed birth plan. I wanted no pain killers (made it 24 hours without them). I wanted everything 100% natural (I had to get pitocin to speed up dilation because of how long ago my water broke). Then to top it all off I got a raging uterine infection. My 32 hours of labor ended with a c-section.  Do I resent my doctors? Hell no. They did everything they could so I could have a natural labor. They actually asked me if I wanted to continue when I had a fever that was over 102 degrees. I couldn't believe they actually asked. I told them to do what they had to do to get the both of us through it safely. And that's exactly what they did. They asked because they didn't want me to accuse them of being surgery-happy later on. 


The second thing that makes me so touchy is that in these same articles I feel pressured to do a VBAC. There is the implication that you're just not giving it the can do attitude if you opt to have a scheduled c-section. There is a 20-40% chance that your VBAC will be unsuccessful. I'm not willing to open myself and my daughter up to those complications just because a group of women (who are not doctors) think I should. I will make my parenting decisions and you can make yours. I promise I won't judge you, I just expect the same respect in return. 

The last thing that I can't seem to wrap my mind around is that the women who write these articles seem okay with putting their child at risk in order to get their perfect birthing experience. What is the point? My train of thought ties back to the things that I have already said. The doctors understand the risks. They also understand that they are damned if they do and damned if they don't. If they don't opt for c-section in a high risk situation and something happens to the baby they will be brought to court and asked why they didn't perform a c-section. If they do perform the c-section they are asked if it was 100% necessary and if there was anything else they could have done. Doctors are human too and I have a tremendous amount of respect for them. Instead of asking why they are doing what they are doing maybe you should try thanking them for being there for you.

Why I Won't Make My Kids Give Affection If They Don't Want To

Today I found an article on CNN where a mom writes about how she doesn't force her daughter to give hugs or kisses. She always make sure she is polite and greets people accordingly, but physical affection is not a requirement. A lot of the people commenting on the article were appalled. Some even went as far to say that raising your kids like this is what's wrong with the new generation. Seriously people? You can call me whatever you want, but I refuse to make either of my kids hug or kiss anyone if they don't want to.


 Why would I force my children to give out physical affection if it makes them uncomfortable for any reason? Kids are little people with thoughts and feelings. Just because we bring them into the world does not mean that we own them. My son is 17 months old and stranger danger is something that we deal with on a regular basis with him. If he cries when someone he doesn't know tries to hold him I don't make him just deal with it. It does not matter to me if you are my best friend or even a family member, you have to earn his trust if you want him to be affectionate with you. That's just common sense to me. I don't hug people if I feel uncomfortable, therefore forcing my kids to do so just feels wrong to me.


The part that seemed to rile most of the readers up was that the author didn't make her daughter hug her grandmother. However she does tell her daughter that she can hug or give a high five. People couldn't understand why the author wouldn't just make her do it. I do see where the author is coming from though. From what I can remember I was never forced to give affection as a child. I did hug people but it was because I wanted to and still maintained good relationships with the ones I chose not hug.


Giving your child the right to choose who they give affection to does not mean that they are going to grow up being spoiled, self-centered brats. There are a ton more factors that go into allowing a child to be that way. I personally think giving your child the right to choose and the right to trust their instincts will teach them to respect themselves. This is purely my opinion. As you may have picked up in my other blogs, I fully believe in parenting as you see fit and not judging others. Always do what feels right and what works for you.

I Think My Little Heart Melted A Smidge Today

Beautiful doe at the sanctuary

 If you've read some of my other blogs you may have noticed that they tend to be on the ranty or sarcastic side. Today is different though. Today my faith in humanity was restored a little.


The hubby and I decided to take our son to an animal sanctuary today. We've been going to this place a couple times a season for the last couple years. It's off the beaten path. They don't really go out of their way to advertise or ask you for money. They take in all sorts of animals and nurse them back to health if it's needed. The atmosphere is so relaxed and it's just an overall great experience every time we go. You can really tell that the people who own it really love the animals and give them all that they can. If you couldn't tell I'm very fond of this place.

A lion sleeping in the heat

On top of all the things that make me feel all warm and fuzzy about this place I saw something that absolutely melted my heart. The founder is regularly out and about and will sometimes do demonstrations to educate the kids that are around the park at any given time. Today I saw him take a tortoise out of his little enclosure so I a mentally handicapped boy in a wheelchair could get an up close look at him and actually pet the tortoise. Pictures were taken of the boy and the tortoise and I don't know if that boy could have been any happier. 


That one action made that boys day and mine as well. The founder went above and beyond to make sure this boy had an experience that was truly special. You really don't see many people that do honest and sweet actions anymore. He didn't do it for any benefit other than making that boy happy. That one action really moved me. I'm just glad I was fortunate enough to witness it.


Here is a link to their website. It really is an incredible place.

Breast Feeding: Why I'm Not Ashamed of My Choice

We've all heard the term 'Breast Is Best' when referring to how we should feed our little darlings. I understand why is beneficial and that breast milk can't be replicated. I get it. I really really do. What I absolutely can not stand are the people that try to cram it down our throats. It's not just the loud and pushy tactics that get me either. It's the quiet little insinuations that are meant to hit directly where it's tender.

The general attitude towards moms that can't, don't, or won't breastfeed is pretty shitty in my opinion. I'm not saying everyone is like this. I'm not trying to feed the mommy wars. I'm just saying that it's pretty annoying when mothers put themselves above others for the choices that they make. We all parent differently and it's really not up to anyone to make me feel badly about a decision that's truly personal. We all have our reasons for doing the things that we do. We all try to do what's best, but you can't please everyone. That goes hand in hand with everyone always has an opinion.

The reason why I take special offense to this pushy little act of do-gooderdom is because I could not breast feed. I tried for two solid months and my body just would not produce. No matter how much I pumped. No matter how many times I went to the lactation specialist. It just was not in the cards for bub and I and he eventually picked the bottle. To be honest, that was completely fine by me. It had been a long road for us both at that point. 

I first encountered this issue when I was reading a pregnancy book when I was pregnant with my son. I was all for breastfeeding and was really excited to do it. There was a little section that was aimed directly at people who were choosing not to. It said that you should just give it a try, even if it's not something you were not comfortable with. Just doooo it because it's the right and best thing to do. While in the hospital nurses would ask me what I planned on doing and I told them my plan and I got the oh so relieved response of  'Oh Goooooood'. Like I would be some kind of inhumane mutant if breastfeeding wasn't in my plan. Even though I was on the 'right' side of things at the time it still really bothered me.

I also can't stand the, "Well it's different for you because you couldn't.". To that I say climb off your damn high horse. I don't need a free pass from you. Nobody needs to explain why they don't breast feed to you. I used to feel guilty. I thought I had to justify why I was doing something that might make me seem less like a real mom. Guess what, I'm still a real mom regardless of whether I breastfed or not.

Texas Father: Right or Wrong?

I'm going to warn anyone reading this that this is a VERY touchy subject for some people. 

I'm going to start off with the facts. On Saturday a Texas father beat a man to death. The reason that he beat this man was because he walked in on him sexually assaulting his four year old daughter. The father beat the man around the head and neck to stop the attack. The man was pronounced dead on the scene when authorities arrived. No names have been released as of yet for the protection of the little girl, but the police have stated that the man has no prior offenses. For the sake of not repeating everything from CNN you can get the whole article that I read here. 

If you've read any of my other stuff you know that I enjoy reading the comments at the end of articles to see what other people are thinking. As one might imagine the comments are pretty mixed on this one. Some people say that this man deserves a medal. Other people said that such celebration of the loss of a life is disgusting. I found the back and forth arguments to bring up interesting points on both sides of the coin. The main theme that was continually circled back to was 'this is what I would have done _____'. 

There is a topic of discussion that I have seen on multiple articles about this that I found particularly intriguing. One person said that he should have just let the justice system do it's job. That one comment sparked a huge reaction from a lot of the other readers. It showed me that,when it comes to sex offenders, not a ton of people have faith in the justice system. Either they don't get convicted or they don't get sentenced for long enough. That set my mind in motion to say the least. Can a sex offender be rehabilitated? What makes them any less dangerous than a murderer? They both take and ruin lives for their own perverse reasons. So why do sex offenders get 'treated' and released? This thought process is why a lot of people think the father is a hero. 

This made me take a good hard look at myself and wonder what I would have done if I were in this guys shoes. The problem that I run into is that I don't exactly know what I would do to someone. I would do anything to protect my kids and  I can safely say that whatever reaction I had would not be good for the person hurting my baby. I feel like, as parents and as human beings, we have a primal instinct to protect our children. When they get hurt in any way we're ready to take on the world in order keep them safe. But what do you do when you walk in on someone hurting them? I think the rational mind goes out the window and the primal side takes over. Which is exactly why I'm not capable of giving a clear answer. I can say with confidence my husband would do what this father did. I can also say with confidence that I would stand beside him 100%. 

What would you have done?

Why Must We Squabble Like PMS-ing Hens

If you're a mom you have come across, and maybe been a part of, the dreaded 'Mommy Wars' dun dun dunnnn. There is so much pressure out there to be super mom. What can we possibly do to ease the pressure?  Why don't we just  hack away at each others mothering? That should do the trick (take note of the copious amounts of sarcasm I used). There is not right or wrong way to be a good mom which is what makes it such an easy target. As long as we're taking care of our kids we should be happy with each other, shouldn't we? Some people just can't figure out how to do that. Mind you, I am in no way excusing people who cut others down, it's an asshole thing to do no matter what, but I am a firm believer that there is a difference between and excuse and a reason. I've got a couple possible reasons that I will be sharing in a little bit.

I've seen many articles that appear to be trying to tear us ladies apart. The most recent was one that I think unintentionally pitted working moms against stay at home moms. The author based her whole article off of one comment that a SAHM  made. The comment was ' I'm a stay at home mom because I don't want daycare raising my kids'. She made the point that daycare is no substitute for a mother and I 100% agree. I had no problems with what the author wrote whatsoever. She made really great points. It was the women that were commenting who were the ones that seriously pissed me off. Like eyeballs throbbing kind of pissed off.  I saw a lot of women rallying against stay at home moms. Saying that we're the ones who talk all the shit. Yet here they were cutting us down for our choices too. One lady even insinuated that since we stay home that we have no life goals (that's about the time my eyeballs started to throb actually). All I wanted to comment in response was 'is it nice up there on your tower of self-righteousness? Because from this angle I can see straight up your stuck up nose into that empty head of yours'.  I did not say that though. I chose a much more civil route and compared the squabblers to the sneeches. My maturity is showing again, isn't it?


I have never once thought someone was less of a mother for choosing to go back to work to support her family. Not once. I'm sure there are women out there who think it's wrong, but that's just their opinion. It doesn't make it the truth, so why get so defensive? We all make decisions that best fit our families. So why all the bitchy, judgmental bullshit? There are a couple reasons that I can think of as to why we do this to each other. One is that we're our own worst critics and second guessers, so putting other people down makes us feel better about ourselves and the things we choose to do. Some women might be envious of the working mom and what she's accomplished so she bashes her. Or the working mom might be envious of the time the SAHM gets with her kids so she cuts her down. Once again, possible reasons not excuses, it's still a shitty thing to do. Second, everyone thinks they have the right answer. We do things the way we think is right and some people get a little too carried away with their high and mighty right-ness. This comes in all forms, from unsolicited advice to downright bitchy comments. 


I know the world isn't perfect but I really think we should be working together and trying to get along as moms. Not picking each other apart like hungry vultures searching for the weakest link. If we stopped clucking like hens we could actually be a pretty awesome support team for one another. To bring us back to my sneech comment earlier, why does it matter if we have stars on our bellies or not? We're all strong women working towards the same goal. We all want to raise intelligent, loving, open-minded, accepting children. The best way to do that is by example and practicing what we preach. 

The Name Of The Game Is 'Let's Pretend To Be Ostriches'

I know I'm not a seasoned vet with marriage, but I don't feel that I am naive either. You do your best to work through the bullshit and do your best to come out the other side. Having said that, there is a definite difference between working through the crap that comes up and openly inviting it into your life and your relationship. I found an article titled "9 Marriage Problems That Are Actually Good For Your Relationship". The link to the article is posted at the end. The following in quotes are her general point. What follows is my personal opinion. Buckle up. Keep all arms and legs in the cart at all times during this ride...

This was the pic used in the
article. Caption read "Sad
Woman". No shit huh?

1) "You Both Fantasize About Other People"- I understand the point that the author is trying to make, stating that it keeps things fresh and all that jazz.  If it's about some celebrity it's harmless, just don't tell me. But the author makes it a point to say it's ok/good to fantasize about people you know. Her example was the sexy neighbor. Call my jealous, but no. No no no. I personally feel like bad things start with wandering minds.


2) "He Goes Out With The Guys"- I actually agree with this point (I didn't say I thought they were all shitty). If you're going to be a functioning unit you also need to be a functioning individual.


3) "You Argue A Lot"- This one is a little bit of a tough one because there are a couple factors that come into this for me. I think it's absolutely normal to squabble about the little stuff. When you live with someone shit like that is pretty common. But constant arguing is not really a good thing. I agree with the author when she says key is arguing without attacking your partners character. Even still, if there is that much disagreement, it sounds like there are deeper issues than the ones you're hashing out.


4) "He Spends A Lot Of Money On His Hobbies"- This one goes back to the point of needing to be separate individuals to be a functioning unit. I'm all for separate hobbies and such, but is spending a lot of money really necessary? How does 'spend a little save a little' sound?


5) "He uses porn"- This one is purely preference for the couple. I'm personally not a huge fan of porn. I've made a playful deal with the hubby regarding this. I won't detail about that though. We've tried using it as a tool to 'enhance' the moment, but we both couldn't take it seriously. That's just us though. To each is own.


6) "He Works All The Time"- My hub works 50+ hours a week so there are times when I do feel like he is always gone. Whenever I feel that way we talk about it and make sure that we make time for each other. Having a good work ethic is a great quality, but when "climbing the corporate ladder" becomes more important than family we are going to have issues.


7) "You Both Flirt With Other People Online"- This one was my favorite. I was actually texting the hubs while reading this article and when I got to this one I sent him the title followed by me saying 'snowballs will vacation in Jamaica for weeks on the beach before that's ok with me'. It even specifically mentioned finding old flames on facebook.  I'm sure it does boost his self esteem, but what does it do to his spouses self esteem hmmmm? I get it, it feels good to be desired, but this is playing with fire. Dangerous, divorce resulting, fire.



8) "You're Too Tired For Sex"- I never saw this as a relationship problem because it's a fact of life. Sometimes I'm just too tired. I will not be scheduling sex into our weekly routine though. Schedules are for obligations. Sex should NEVER be an obligation. I was in a relationship where it was and it was the worst relationship I have ever been in. Do what works for you and your partner, not what fits into your schedule.


9) "He's Close With  A Female Colleague"- I don't think this is necessarily a bad thing, but when "our financial stability and social status may depend on this specific office relationship"  was said I definitely gave my computer a dirty look and read the rest of the explanation through squinted eyes of skepticism. I understand that the author continues to say that it shouldn't be sexual and to talk about it and blah blah blah but she also mentioned earlier that flirting sexual fantasies about people you know are ok. Mixed message?


I found myself shaking my head a lot when reading her long explanations about why this stuff is ok. Some of the points I saw were fine, some were shaky, and others were just downright terrible.  Some of these things have been used by men as cheating tools. I'm not saying all men cheat but if you add up all this good advice (ie. ok to flirt+close female colleague+ long hours+acceptable sexual fantasies+ he doesn't want sex) it's a recipe for absolute disaster. Be open and respectful of each other. The over all message that I got from this article was that it is okay to play with the fire as long as you don't burned.  Don't follow this woman's horrid advice. 


http://shine.yahoo.com/love-sex/9-marriage-problems-actually-good-relationship-162500900.html

To Leash Or Not To Leash? That Is The Question

We've all seen it. The parent with the brood of kids and the toddler is tethered to mom via a snuggling monkey or some other fuzzy creature. Call me what you will, but I am more than willing to be honest about what my thoughts used to be when I would see this. I would think that if she couldn't handle that many kids without leashing them then she should not have had that many. I now feel like my assessment was partially unjust. I now have a new insight on the whole leash topic, however I am still a firm believer of don't have more kids than you can handle. That's just my personal opinion, take it or leave it. Back to the leash issue at hand though. My husband and I both were very against child leashing before we got pregnant. We talked about it and agreed that we would never do it because children are not animals. But I am a firm believer that parenting is about compromise and rolling with punches.


My stance has changed mainly because of where I am in parenthood with my son. Bub is 16 months old and one of the most independent children I have ever encountered. He could not wait to be able to walk on his own and would actually get frustrated when he hadn't quite been able to do it. He has been sharpening his walking skills since April and does quite well. I am all for supporting his independence but when we are in public he does not want to hold our hands. That makes walking on his own quite an issue when we are in a store. The hubby usually corrals him until he gets in the way of other people. So the little light bulb went off in my head that this could be the solution to our problem.


We have not actually tried this yet because he does not meet the size requirement for the leash backpacks we have seen. I do feel that there is a right and a wrong way to go about this though. For example, he will not be in it whenever we go in public. It's something that we are going to reserve for when he doesn't have to be in the cart and wants to walk around. When he is in it we will be paying attention to him. This is not a tool that we'll be using as an excuse not to watch him and give him the attention that he needs. It irritates me to no end when I see parents completely ignoring their kids in any situation. Add in a tool to aid the lazy and things just turn friggin ridiculous. 


All in all I think that a child leash can be a very helpful tool when your kids are learning to walk but are still a little too young to understand the concept of hand-holding. If used the right way it will allow you to grant your child the independence that they may be craving (I know my son craves it). I do, however, think that it can be misused. In the end it is a personal choice made by parents and you should do what feels right for you and your little squee.

A Letter To A Doctor With Better Things To Do

Small note before you read. I have a tremendous respect for those who work in the health care profession. It actually took some coaxing from the husband to get me to call since I didn't want anyone to think I was over paranoid and crying wolf. I'm just a mother concerned about her unborn child. I would have enjoyed feeling like I was even taken slightly seriously. Instead I was made to feel like a silly little pregnant woman who is too stupid to understand her own body. This is the result, a letter style rant that I am sharing with you. Enjoy.


Dear Doctor who didn't take me seriously,
    I would just like to say thank you. No, seriously, thank you. I really enjoyed feeling completely blown off when I called you with a legitimate concern about my unborn daughter. If you hadn't made me feel like the symptoms I've been having all day were the stomach flu I never would have known. I also loved that you pretty much told me that I don't know the difference between my stomach and my uterus. Seeing as you are a man, and therefore completely capable of childbirth, you would know what a contraction feels like wouldn't you? Never mind that this isn't my first rodeo and I know what 32 hours of labor feels like. Mind you 24 of those were with no pain medication. But you made it perfectly clear that since you have studied this you know my body better than I do. I only had 4 contractions in 50 minutes at the time that I called. I have no reason to be worried about preterm labor whatsoever. I do have to wonder that if it were your spouse going through this how you would feel. So I will listen to what you say and I will follow your orders like a good little doobie. Just know that I am counting my contractions and I hope for your sake that I do not have to come in tonight. I usually try to be pleasant but I'm not so sure if I could muster up the maturity to do so.


                                             Sincerely,
                                                A pissed of pregnant woman in pain.

Seriously, Why Be Assholes To Pregnant Women?

So in the past on my Facebook page I have expressed strong opinions on how cruel the media was being to Jessica Simpson during her pregnancy. I've always had a fondness for her for a number of reasons, so when she started getting picked apart I got a little pissy. 

For starters I found it absolutely stupid that the media picked on her and called her fat. I'm sorry she didn't feel the need to diet and stay stick thin while pregnant. To me she represented what a real, everyday pregnant women is.  She was honest about her weight gain and about her cravings. She was not shy to talk about it and I felt she was kind of a role model for us preggies that are sitting at home being all self conscious. Yes, you should try and be as healthy as possible when you are pregnant for the benefit of the baby. See what I said there? For the benefit of the BABY. Not your pride or your figure. The message I was getting from her was to embrace being pregnant and screw what anyone says. So what if your once sexy strut is now a waddle. Own it ladies!

Since being a hoard of greedy vultures is what the press does best I wasn't overly surprised at all of the blatant criticism. It's an unfortunate side effect of being successful and in the spotlight. The part that did shock me was the innumerable comments left by women that were just being outright bitchy. Instead of support for their fellow pregnant woman they were totally on board with picking her apart like a bunch of assholes. Seriously people? I doubt all of your commentary was because you were concerned about her baby. I honestly had to wonder how many of these anonymous keyboard critics had actually been pregnant. Did they know what it feels like to feel swollen, puffy, exhausted, absent minded, clumsy, and just over all pregnant? I'm going through it right now and if anyone said half the stuff about me that they were saying about her I would tell them to sit and rotate with vigor til they caught fire. 

So her little darling has been born and I'm thinking that the bullshittery will stop because this is supposed to be a happy time in a momma's life. She is supposed to be fussing over her little bundle and feeling the joy and sheer exhaustion that comes from having a new little squee in her life. Oh how very wrong I was. I saw yet another report wondering about when she was going to lose the weight. How was she going to do it? Why is she so shocked about how different her body is? I'm not sure if this shit is written by men or just inexperienced women who toe the fine line of ignorance into stupidity. News flash to the non-mommies, we don't know what our bodies are going to do. Some women drop all the weight and then some. Others keep it and have to work to take it back off if they so choose. Dear sweet mother of monkey balls LET THE WOMAN ENJOY HER BABY. She had a c-section, she is not just gonna ignore her baby and jump into a workout routine. Apparently she is also catching criticism for having sex before the 6 week restriction mark. I know it's a doctors order but who really waits all six weeks? I will be honest and say I didn't. My doctor just wanted to make sure I was being safe about it  so I didn't have another bundle in 9 months.

All in all I just want to point out that we ladies need to support each other as women and mothers. Why do we pick each other apart because of pants size? It should not matter if you're a 2 or a 20 as long as you love yourself. It's all beautiful. Be happy with yourself and someone will love you for all you. Love it, own it, and strut it no matter the size.