Why I Won't Make My Kids Give Affection If They Don't Want To

Today I found an article on CNN where a mom writes about how she doesn't force her daughter to give hugs or kisses. She always make sure she is polite and greets people accordingly, but physical affection is not a requirement. A lot of the people commenting on the article were appalled. Some even went as far to say that raising your kids like this is what's wrong with the new generation. Seriously people? You can call me whatever you want, but I refuse to make either of my kids hug or kiss anyone if they don't want to.


 Why would I force my children to give out physical affection if it makes them uncomfortable for any reason? Kids are little people with thoughts and feelings. Just because we bring them into the world does not mean that we own them. My son is 17 months old and stranger danger is something that we deal with on a regular basis with him. If he cries when someone he doesn't know tries to hold him I don't make him just deal with it. It does not matter to me if you are my best friend or even a family member, you have to earn his trust if you want him to be affectionate with you. That's just common sense to me. I don't hug people if I feel uncomfortable, therefore forcing my kids to do so just feels wrong to me.


The part that seemed to rile most of the readers up was that the author didn't make her daughter hug her grandmother. However she does tell her daughter that she can hug or give a high five. People couldn't understand why the author wouldn't just make her do it. I do see where the author is coming from though. From what I can remember I was never forced to give affection as a child. I did hug people but it was because I wanted to and still maintained good relationships with the ones I chose not hug.


Giving your child the right to choose who they give affection to does not mean that they are going to grow up being spoiled, self-centered brats. There are a ton more factors that go into allowing a child to be that way. I personally think giving your child the right to choose and the right to trust their instincts will teach them to respect themselves. This is purely my opinion. As you may have picked up in my other blogs, I fully believe in parenting as you see fit and not judging others. Always do what feels right and what works for you.