The Name Of The Game Is 'Let's Pretend To Be Ostriches'

I know I'm not a seasoned vet with marriage, but I don't feel that I am naive either. You do your best to work through the bullshit and do your best to come out the other side. Having said that, there is a definite difference between working through the crap that comes up and openly inviting it into your life and your relationship. I found an article titled "9 Marriage Problems That Are Actually Good For Your Relationship". The link to the article is posted at the end. The following in quotes are her general point. What follows is my personal opinion. Buckle up. Keep all arms and legs in the cart at all times during this ride...

This was the pic used in the
article. Caption read "Sad
Woman". No shit huh?

1) "You Both Fantasize About Other People"- I understand the point that the author is trying to make, stating that it keeps things fresh and all that jazz.  If it's about some celebrity it's harmless, just don't tell me. But the author makes it a point to say it's ok/good to fantasize about people you know. Her example was the sexy neighbor. Call my jealous, but no. No no no. I personally feel like bad things start with wandering minds.


2) "He Goes Out With The Guys"- I actually agree with this point (I didn't say I thought they were all shitty). If you're going to be a functioning unit you also need to be a functioning individual.


3) "You Argue A Lot"- This one is a little bit of a tough one because there are a couple factors that come into this for me. I think it's absolutely normal to squabble about the little stuff. When you live with someone shit like that is pretty common. But constant arguing is not really a good thing. I agree with the author when she says key is arguing without attacking your partners character. Even still, if there is that much disagreement, it sounds like there are deeper issues than the ones you're hashing out.


4) "He Spends A Lot Of Money On His Hobbies"- This one goes back to the point of needing to be separate individuals to be a functioning unit. I'm all for separate hobbies and such, but is spending a lot of money really necessary? How does 'spend a little save a little' sound?


5) "He uses porn"- This one is purely preference for the couple. I'm personally not a huge fan of porn. I've made a playful deal with the hubby regarding this. I won't detail about that though. We've tried using it as a tool to 'enhance' the moment, but we both couldn't take it seriously. That's just us though. To each is own.


6) "He Works All The Time"- My hub works 50+ hours a week so there are times when I do feel like he is always gone. Whenever I feel that way we talk about it and make sure that we make time for each other. Having a good work ethic is a great quality, but when "climbing the corporate ladder" becomes more important than family we are going to have issues.


7) "You Both Flirt With Other People Online"- This one was my favorite. I was actually texting the hubs while reading this article and when I got to this one I sent him the title followed by me saying 'snowballs will vacation in Jamaica for weeks on the beach before that's ok with me'. It even specifically mentioned finding old flames on facebook.  I'm sure it does boost his self esteem, but what does it do to his spouses self esteem hmmmm? I get it, it feels good to be desired, but this is playing with fire. Dangerous, divorce resulting, fire.



8) "You're Too Tired For Sex"- I never saw this as a relationship problem because it's a fact of life. Sometimes I'm just too tired. I will not be scheduling sex into our weekly routine though. Schedules are for obligations. Sex should NEVER be an obligation. I was in a relationship where it was and it was the worst relationship I have ever been in. Do what works for you and your partner, not what fits into your schedule.


9) "He's Close With  A Female Colleague"- I don't think this is necessarily a bad thing, but when "our financial stability and social status may depend on this specific office relationship"  was said I definitely gave my computer a dirty look and read the rest of the explanation through squinted eyes of skepticism. I understand that the author continues to say that it shouldn't be sexual and to talk about it and blah blah blah but she also mentioned earlier that flirting sexual fantasies about people you know are ok. Mixed message?


I found myself shaking my head a lot when reading her long explanations about why this stuff is ok. Some of the points I saw were fine, some were shaky, and others were just downright terrible.  Some of these things have been used by men as cheating tools. I'm not saying all men cheat but if you add up all this good advice (ie. ok to flirt+close female colleague+ long hours+acceptable sexual fantasies+ he doesn't want sex) it's a recipe for absolute disaster. Be open and respectful of each other. The over all message that I got from this article was that it is okay to play with the fire as long as you don't burned.  Don't follow this woman's horrid advice. 


http://shine.yahoo.com/love-sex/9-marriage-problems-actually-good-relationship-162500900.html